RWBY Shenanigans
by The Writer Of Lucifenia
Summary: Join Team RWBY for the ups and downs of life whether it be a crazy cat or a sleepover at a fancy mansion, watch their shenanigans fall into place.


"Good boy, Zwei!" Ruby cheered, tossing the corgi a treat after Zwei had done a back flip. Zwei woofed happily and scurried to Ruby, jumping up on her, trying to get the teen to pick him up, which she happily complied. "That's my good boy. I love you."

"Aw, this makes me miss Josephine and Flippers," Weiss sighed.

"Who's Josephine and Flippers?" Blake questioned.

"Josephine is my Clydesdale horse who has won several national championships and was bred by the best of the best in Vale. Flippers is my pet dolphin, he won the King of the Sea Dolphin pageant two years in a row. I got him for my fifteenth birthday, a gift from the Prince of Vale. Oh well, at least I have Princess. She's won the Queen of the Guppies Beauty Pageant," Weiss sighed before petting the diamond fish bowl where a gold fish resided.

"Where are these competitions?" Yang questioned.

"Ugh, it's for the elite, upper class, we have tasteful pets," Weiss scoffed.

"It's a goldfish," Yang narrowed her eyes at the heiress.

"This isn't your average carnival goldfish, Princess is designer, do you know how much she cost?" Weiss questioned.

"Two bucks?" Yang shrugged.

"Two million dollars, Xiao Long," Weiss glared.

"And this is elite?" Yang inquired.

"Ugh, if I can't explain it to you, you'll never understand," Weiss huffed. "Either way, I have to go study, Ruby playtime's over, we're studying."

"But Weiss!"Ruby complained.

"No buts, now mush!" Weiss demanded.

"Fine, you suck the fun out of everything, even weekends," Ruby hung her head as they left.

"Welp, I gotta be heading out myself, I have to meet my friends for dinner tonight, see ya, Blake!" and with that, RWY disappeared, leaving Blake alone. Blake sighed.

"Poor little Mittens, she's probably missing me so much right now," Blake huffed. "Wait, if Ruby and Yang could get their drooling mutt in here, what's stopping me from bringing my precious little Mittens here?"

...

"Is that crying?" Yang asked.

"No, I think it's a dog," Weiss commented.

"Wait! Zwei! I'm coming!" Ruby dashed into the dorm room.

"Yeah, _yang _in there, Buddy!" the blonde darted after her sister.

"What could possibly be wrong with the dog?" Weiss questioned as she walked into the dorm to see the corgi whimpering, ears down, cornered by a hissing black cat with a white face, belly, and paws.

"ZWEI!" Ruby dived into the corner, grabbing the scared dog and holding him tight as the cat clawed at Ruby's boots viciously.

"Oh hey guys, I missed my sweet little Mittens and thought since you guys have your pets, you wouldn't mind if I brought mine," Blake smiled from her book. "Now, Mittens, Ruby will pet you in a minute, don't harass her, she just got home."

"I don't wanna pet her," Ruby yiped.

"Don't worry, she's a gentle little girl, she just loves it when you rub her belly," Blake scooped up Mittens and held her under her arms. "Weiss, would you like to pet Mittens?" Weiss directed her gaze to the cat that was hissing and flailing her claws at Weiss, trying to break free of Blake's grasp.

"Um, I think that the cat doesn't like me," Weiss backed away a bit.

"Nonsense, she's reaching out to you because she wants you to scratch behind her ears," Blake assured.

"I highly doubt that," Weiss commented.

"Well either way, it's time for bed," Blake said. "Come on, Mittens, let's get some rest." Ruby and Weiss grew really pale when Yang put her arms around the two.

"What's the matter you two? Are you not _feline_ alright."

...

Weiss yawned and opened her eyes drowsily to be greeted with a horrific sight. Mittens was standing on top of her chest, claws flared out and teeth showing as she hissed at Weiss. Weiss screamed at the top of her lungs. The rest of team RWBY jolted awake to see Mittens curled up in a ball on Weiss' chest.

"What's wrong, Ice Queen?" Yang asked tiredly.

"The demon cat was trying to kill me in my sleep," Weiss shuddered.

"Really, Weiss, Mittens is all curled up sleeping, she likes you," Blake pointed out. Weiss looked at the cat who was as Blake had said.

"I heard it," Ruby shuddered.

"B-But she was-"

"Whatever you say, Weiss, now let's go get some breakfast," Yang said as her and Ruby walked out of the dorm. Blake shook her head before turning around to grab a book. Mittens hopped up and began to hiss again, making Weiss screech in fear and shove the cat off of the bed. Mittens landed with a flop, catching Blake's attention. Mittens began to whimper and scurry towards Blake, who directed her gaze to Weiss, who was scrunched up in the corner of her bed.

"Weiss, how could be so mean to sweet little Mittens?" Blake scooped up her cat which purred at Blake.

"I swear it was trying to kill me!" Weiss exclaimed.

"Weiss, just... I'm leaving, leave my cat alone," Blake shook her head and left with Mittens over her shoulder, who looked at Weiss and hissed.

...

Mittens paced the table, eyeballing the three girls as they tried to eat their breakfast. Ruby reached for the salt, making Mittens hiss angrily and jump out at her. Yang grabbed the cat before it could shred Ruby to pieces. Mittens hissed and flailed her paws at Ruby, trying to scratch her, but Ruby was already in Weiss' lap trembling. Blake joined them sitting down with her omelet.

"Aw, see, Weiss, Yang likes Mittens," Blake pointed to Yang who was struggling to keep the insane cat from breaking lose and attacking Ruby and Weiss.

"Um, Blake, the cat tried to attack Ruby," Yang explained. "I'm just restraining Killer here."

"Mittens wasn't attacking, she pounces when she wants you to pet her," Blake shrugged before eating her eggs. "Mittens, come here." Mittens mewed when Yang let her down and allowed the cat to curl up with Blake, who then busied herself with a book. Mittens hissed at the other three, making Weiss and Ruby jump and fall off the bench.

...

Team RWBY had left Mittens at the dorm with Zwei while they went to their classes. They didn't think anything of it, except for Ruby, who worried greatly for Zwei, but was reassured that he'd be ok by Yang and Blake. Little did they know a small surprise awaited them.

The girls walked into the dorm to see Zwei chewing on some weird mushy thing.

"Whatcha got there, Zwei?"Ruby asked, grabbing her pet's attention. Zwei scurried over and dropped the thing at Ruby's feet.

"Hey, Rubbles, do you know what happened to my pillow, I can't find it?" Yang questioned, digging under the covers to find said pillow.

"What is that thing?" Blake questioned.

"Ew! It's slimy!" Ruby exclaimed, holding the thing in her hand.

"Seriously guys, I can't find my pillow," Yang tried to get everyone's attention, but to no avail.

"Why are there feathers everywhere?" Weiss inquired.

"Ew! There's a hair in it!" Ruby stuck out her tongue in disgust. "Hey, it looks like yours, sis."

"Wait, is that my..." Yang's voice trailed off.

"How'd it get shredded, it looks like the work of claws... MITTENS!" Weiss exclaimed.

"What, Mittens would never act in such a destructive manner," Blake defended.

"Ew, Zwei, you chewed my pillow," Yang complained.

"Well it's Mittens' fault for destroying the pillow in the first place," Weiss stomped her foot.

"Mittens, go in the corner and think about what you did," Blake scolded.

...

Like the day before, Team RWBY left Mittens, Zwei, and Princess at the dorm, and since they had put their pillows in the closet, the would've sworn it would be ok, but they were wrong. When they walked in, Weiss fell to the floor.

"PRINCESS!" she screamed in horror at Mittens, who had half of the goldfish hanging out of her mouth. Ruby pulled Weiss into an embrace, trying to console her while Yang tackled the cat to retrieve the fish.

"Don't hurt Mittens!" Blake shrieked.

"You! You brought this murderer into our room!" Weiss got up and shoved Blake. "How could you?!"

"What, it was accident," Blake defended.

"Tell that to Princess!" Weiss wailed.

"I'm sorry, Weiss, but she's passed on, we're too late," Yang reported in dismay. Weiss began to sob harder.

"It's ok, Weiss, she's in a better place," Ruby assured.

"She was so young! So pure!" Weiss sobbed.

...

"We are all here, in remembrance of Princess Schnee. She was a friend, pet, champion," Jaune droned on.

"This is degrading, she deserved a burial at sea," Weiss sobbed.

"Well she'll end up there eventually," Yang commented.

"That's not helping, Yang," Ruby glared.

"Princess was struck down in her prime, viciously mauled and taken tragically before her time," Jaune said dramatically.

"She didn't deserve this," Weiss wailed.

"And we all know that Weiss is hurting and will need a strong shoulder to cry on," Jaune said hopefully. Weiss looked as if she'd burst before balling.

"Ruby!" Weiss threw her arms around the younger girl and sobbed violently.

"Um... I have a strong shoulder," Jaune commented.

"Oh really?" Yang punched Jaune's arm really hard. Jaune whimpered.

"That hurt," Jaune rubbed his arm.

"Princess!"Weiss wailed.

"It's going to be ok, Weiss," Ruby reassured.

"Let's just flush Princess and leave," Ren suggested.

"Goodbye, Princess," Weiss whimpered, taking one last look at the decapitated goldfish before Nora dropped her in the toilet and flushed with a 'boop'.

"Come on, let's leave, Yang made cookies," Ruby said softly, leading Weiss out of the bathroom and into the dorm room. Jaune looked down at Mittens, who was on her back stretching.

"Blake, would you put that awful murderer in its cage, please," Weiss complained.

"It was an accident, Weiss, stop calling Mittens a killer, she was probably hungrier than I thought when we left the dorm room," Blake hissed.

"What, this little kitty? I thought you said Princess was savagely murdered?" Jaune questioned.

"She was, that is the monster that did it!" Weiss exclaimed. Mittens purred a bit and pawed at Jaune.

"Aw, she's cute," Jaune cooed.

"Why don't you rub her belly, Jaune, she likes it when people do that," Blake suggested.

"Ok, hi, Kitty," Jaune reached his hand down to pet the cat only for Mittens to latch on, sinking her claws into Jaune's arm. "AH! Get it off-get it off-get it off!"

"Fight to the death!" Nora exclaimed happily, throwing her left arm in the air as she jumped up and down.

"Jaune, bang it against the wall," Pyrrah shouted.

"And Catzilla's done it again," Yang commented.

"No! Jaune! Stop swinging your arm around you're going to make Mittens puke! She gets motion sickness really badly!" Blake exclaimed in horror as Mittens began to gag and finally spewed her guts all over the blonde knight.

"Awww, just puke and no blood? I thought this was going to get good," Nora sadly hung her head.

"EW! It rolfed," Jaune whined.

"Jaune, are you ok?" Pyrrah asked worriedly. Ruby walked over to him only to clench her nose.

"Ew, you smell like cat food!" Ruby gagged. Nora sprang over there and sniffed Jaune.

"And fish!" Nora announced.

"PRINCESS!" Weiss wailed.

"I'm out of here," Ren shook his head, grabbed Nora by the back of her shirt, and left. Little did they know, Mittens had escaped out the door.

...

"Mittens! It's time for dinner!" Blake announced, opening a can of cat food and scooping the smelly, slimy, glop of gag into a decorated bowl with Mittens' name on it. Blake was surprised when she didn't hear the jingling bells of Mittens' collar. "Mitten, it's time to eat!" Still, no Mittens. "Mittens?" Blake questioned, walking out of the kitchenette and into the regular dorm. "Ruby, have you seen Mittens?" Ruby looked up from her magazine and Zwei, who was cuddled up with Ruby went running at the sound of Mittens' name, whining at the door.

"I thought she was with you," Ruby shivered.

"No, Mittens never misses dinner, she loves to eat. Where could that silly kitty be?" Blake questioned, looking under Weiss' bed, then under her own. Still, no sign of the cat was to be found. "Mittens!" Blake called.

"Wait, the cat's gone?" Weiss asked, looking up from her notebook.

"Oh, no, this is awful, my poor little kitty could be cold, or hungry, or-"

"Hungry!? Not only are you saying that the cat is gone, but it's hungry!" Weiss exclaimed in horror.

"Oh no! I have to hand out fliers and look for her!" Blake cried, running to the computer on Yang's desk.

"Mittens could be terrorizing students as we speak! I have to worn everyone!" Weiss shouted, digging under her bed and grabbing a blowhorn just as Blake ran out the door with fliers. Weiss grabbed Ruby by her collar. "Come on, we have to warn everyone and you have a big mouth!"

"But I don't wanna go out there while Mittens is on the loose, it could be dangerous," Ruby shuddered, gathering Zwei in her arms.

"Don't tell me you're going to let me go alone out there?" Weiss asked offended.

"I'm sorry Weiss, if we were hunting a grim that'd be different, but this is Mittens, I can't put myself at risk when I'm not an experienced huntress yet," Ruby shook her head.

"Well if you won't save the good students of Beacon, I will!" Weiss stormed out of the dorm room with her blowhorn.

...

"Have you seen my poor little Mittens?" Blake desperately asked Velvet, who looked over the flier.

"No, I'm afraid not, but I'll keep an eye out for her," Velvet replied, looking over the picture of the cute cat.

"Thank you so much," Blake said.

"There's no problem at all," Velvet shook her head. Blake moved on, worriedly looking for Mittens, leaving Velvet alone to wait on Cocoa who was taking forever in the locker room.

"WARNING! THERE'S A KILLER ON THE LOOSE! I REPEAT, A KILLER ON THE LOOSE! HIDE SMALL CHILDREN AND GATHER YOUR GUNS, THIS IS A KILL ON SIGHT CRIMINAL! THIS MURDERER HAS ALREADY TAKEN ONE LIFE AT THIS SCHOOL!" Weiss announced into her blowhorn.

"Weiss, what happened?" Velvet asked worriedly.

"There's a killer on the loose," Weiss explained.

"A killer? What does he look like?" Velvet asked.

"She comes up to about mid foreleg, has a fuzzy white face and belly with a black body, prickly whiskers, black ears, and goes by the name of Mittens," Weiss gave a brief description of the cat.

"Um, who exactly did she kill?" Velvet asked, not exactly buying Weiss' murderer story.

"Princess, my award winning goldfish!" Weiss sobbed.

"Um... Ohhhh-k," Velvet replied awkwardly.

"I just- I need caviar and a message!" Weiss sobbed as Velvet walked away and Professor Goodwitch and Professor Ozpin approached her.

"Oh dear, the stress has finally gotten to her," Glynda shook her head in dismay.

"I knew they'd break her, but I thought it'd be at least a year until that fateful day, not this early," Ozpin replied. "Ms. Schnee, are you ok?"

"No! Mittens is on the loose and everyone thinks I'm crazy!" Weiss sobbed. "I need caviar."

"We don't have caviar, but we have goldfish crackers," Glynda suggested.

"I'd like one," Weiss sobbed as Glynda grabbed the bag of cheesy crackers. Weiss dug her hand in and grabbed one cracker, then stroked it. "It's ok, Salty, she'll never take us alive."

"Allow me to assist you to your room, Ms. Schnee," Glynda pat Weiss on the bag and walked her back to team RWBY's dorm while Weiss talked to Salty.

...

"Mittens! Oh, poor kitty! Come here, I was so worried!" Blake exclaimed, bringing the blood soaked cat into a tight hug.

"Mittens killed a grim," Yang froze.

"My poor baby was attacked," Blake squeezed her cat tightly.

" She killed a grim... Have you thought about therapy? I did an animal therapy course at Signal," Yang suggested.

"Do you think Mittens might need therapy, she never tells me her emotions," Blake asked.

"Um.. Yeah, just give me some time with her when we get home," Yang said.

...

"Ok, Mittens, now let's go over what we've learned, shall we?" Yang said, getting on her knees to look the bored looking cat in the eye. "Do we scratch Ruby?" Yang asked.

"Meow," Mittens replied.

"I'm going to take that as a no," Yang said cheerfully. "Do we scratch the kitty post?" Mittens just stared at Yang.

"Er... I'm going to take that as a yes. Well Mittens, you're set to go, now I have to assist my next patient, have a good day," Yang shoved the cat out of the kitchen. "Weiss, come in, I'm ready for our session."

...

Ruby relaxed on her bed, reading her favorite Weapon Weekly while Zwei was at the vet. Yang had opted to take Zwei so Ruby didn't have to deal with hearing what Mittens had done to the poor dog. That's when it happened. Blake was at the library reading and Weiss was hiding in team JNPR's closet, leaving Ruby alone with Mittens. Mittens pounced onto Ruby. Only a shriek could be heard, and nobody dared save her from the unspeakable terror.

...

"Ruby, good news, Zwei is-Ruby!" Yang darted towards scratched up Ruby, who was whimpering.

"Yang, she attacked me, she's just too strong," Ruby weezed.

"It's ok, I'm going to take you to the infirmary," Yang assured.

"I don't think I'm going to make it," Ruby whined.

"Ruby, it's a house cat, you're going to be fine," Yang narrowed her eyes at her younger sister.

...

"Look, Blake, things were fine when she destroyed my pillow, they were fine when she ate Weiss' goldfish-"

"FINE!? FINE!? Princess died a horrible death!" Weiss cried.

"It was even fine when she attacked Jaune, but this, this is unacceptable. Ruby was mauled by Mittens and who knows who's next. We need to get rid of Mittens," Yang concluded, sitting down on Ruby's hospital bed.

"She's scary, Blake," Ruby whimpered.

"Blake, that demon needs to be put down before she kills important people like me," Weiss hissed. "She's a threat to Salty." Weiss began to stroked her goldfish cracker lovingly.

"Guys, it's just... Mittens has been my friend for years, I just missed her so much," Blake shook her head. Yang put her hand on Blake's shoulder.

"Well you have us now, so you no longer need a demon cat," Yang reasoned.

"What you are asking me to do is like me telling Yang to shoot Ruby in the head, or for Ruby to put Zwei down, I can't do it," Blake crossed her arms uncomfortably.

"Well, I did hear that there's a drug for calming animals. The vet gave Zwei some since he was spazing out, it calmed him down, maybe it'd work on Mittens," Yang suggested.

"That's the best idea you've ever had!" Weiss exclaimed.

"Well, I guess that it's worth a shot," Blake smiled.

...

"Meow!" Mittens mewed at Blake scratching her behind her ears.

"She's doing so much better," Blake said happily.

"Well, it looks like everything's a-o-k," Yang popped Salty into her mouth, making Weiss freeze in horror.

"SALTY! NO!" Weiss cried.

Fin.


End file.
